These are not for wearing during sex (Picture: Apple/Metro.co.uk)No matter how handy AirPods may be, it’s a truth known to most that they look really bloody silly.
It’s a tricky feat to look cool when you have expensive bits of white plastic in your ears – especially if you’re one of those annoying people who keeps them in at all times, even when not listening to any audio.
With this knowledge, we are horrified to discover that there are people in the world having sex while wearing AirPods (yes, in their ears. Get your minds out of the gutter).
TickPick surveyed 1,010 people about their musical and sexual preferences. They found out some interesting stuff, such as lovers of country music preferring to be on bottom, while reggae fans get on top.
But in the midst of all those fun tidbits, something awful: 17% of AirPod owners who responded have had sex with their AirPods remaining in their ears.
We don’t know how many of those surveyed owned AirPods, but this implies that at least one person said they’ve done this. Awful.
Unfortunately for curious minds, the survey didn’t ask any follow-up questions to those admitting this terrible act.
We don’t know if these people play music through their AirPods, whether they just forget to take them out, and if their partners are okay.
We have many questions and concerns, and invite anyone who has been sexual with another person while wearing AirPods to please get in touch and answer us, lest we spend the rest of the weekend thinking about this.
Nope (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)First off, do both parties wear AirPods during this stange sex act? If so, do they listen to their own music, sort of like a silent disco? If so, how do they make their rhythms match? That’s quite important for decent sex, we reckon.
Next, how do these people’s partners maintain sexual arousal while looking at someone wearing AirPods?
As we’ve explained earlier, they are not a cool accessory. They’re definitely not sexy, surely. How would you prevent yourself from tearing out the person’s AirPods and explaining that you simply cannot have sex with someone wearing something so ridiculous?
On the note of tearing out AirPods, it’s also worth considering the very high risk of an AirPod falling out of one’s ear and causing a very unsexy interruption to the sesh. Those things are expensive. If you’re getting especially vigorous and an AirPod flies out, landing somewhere in the depths behind the bed, would you really be able to continue sexing with the worry that your precious listening devices could be lost forever? We doubt it.
And finally, a gentle request: Please don’t have sex with your AirPods in if your partner isn’t also keen on the idea.
Blocking out someone’s audible responses to sex is just plain rude. It’s the ultimate disconnection, using your own personal music to shut yourself into a private world when you should be experiencing intimacy with another human being.
Plus, noticing someone pumping to a beat that you can’t hear would be unbelievably offputting.
We’ve approached Apple to see what they think of AirPods being used in this way, and will of course update this article if we hear back.
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