Love Island… it is what it is but it’s certainly not ‘Bev’ – The Sun

Love Island… it is what it is but it’s certainly not ‘Bev’ – The Sun

LOVE Island – it is what it is then. Though what exactly that expression means, I’m still not entirely clear.
But we’re over a week into this year’s series and it’s almost the only thing anyone says.
9 Lucie’s ‘Bev’ catchphrase fails to wow the Love Island castCredit: Rex Features
9 Sherif didn’t prove popular when none of the girls stepped forward to partner with himCredit: ITV
Starting point was Sherif, when none of the girls took a step forward to be partnered by him, on the opening night.
“It is what it is, I guess.”
Since then it’s spread like fake tan on a duvet.
Joe responds to Tommy making a move on Lucie: “It is what it is.”
9 Michael and Amber chatCredit: ITV
9 AJ Pritchard’s brother Curtis gets cosy with AmyCredit: ITV
Amber ditches Michael: “It is what it is.”
Tommy reacts to Anton announcing he wants to “get to know” Molly-Mae better.
Well it is what it bloody well is, isn’t it, Tommy?
So you can probably just about tell it’s a bottled-up expression loaded with quietly seething discontent that pretty much sums up my own feelings about a series which got off to a bad start when Lucie arrived with a buzzword she clearly thought was going to take the nation by storm: “Bev.”
It didn’t.
The public just seemed to resent the conceit of thinking they could be so easily manipulated.
9 Molly-Mae and Danny chatCredit: ITV
9 Joe and Lucie enjoy a breakfast dateCredit: ITV
Neither was my mood, nor the show, improved by any of the other early arrivals, though.
Especially not with Yewande, who was “working on cancer vaccines”  until she decided sunbathing on ITV2 was a better option.
Sherif, who claimed: “I dare to do what others don’t,” but hasn’t dared move out of his mum’s house yet.
And brooding sandwich operative Joe, who spoke from a wide range of experiences when he said: “You can never go wrong with pulled pork.”
You can never go wrong with pulled porkJoe Garratt
There’s also boxer Tommy Fury and AJ Pritchard’s brother Curtis, who seems a good bet to share the £50,000 prize, so long as he continues to be besotted by flight attendant Amy, by far the nicest contestant.
If the series was to be summed up by a word instead of a phrase, though, it’d be underwhelming.
A couple of lust triangles have developed around Lucie, but so little has actually happened that commentator Iain Stirling has been turning all the same stationery jokes he made about Jack, last year, into sandwich jokes about Joe.
It may all change overnight, of course.  Then  again, it may not, and ITV may even have designed the show to be under- stated, after all the controversy sur- rounding it earlier in the year, by choosing contestants who were better equipped emotionally to cope with the process.
9 Joe and Lucie kiss in the The Good, The Bad & The Sexy challengeCredit: ITV
It may all change overnight, of course.  Then  again, it may not, and ITV may even have designed the show to be under- stated, after all the controversy sur- rounding it earlier in the year, by choosing contestants who were better equipped emotionally to cope with the process.
Either way, it’s not terminal.
Nothing happening on Love Island is still a more enticing prospect for a lot of people than every- thing happening in politics.
And  it’ll stay that way so long as ITV doesn’t kowtow to the point-missing Twitter morons who think Love Island should be filled with “plus-size” (fat) contestants. ’Cos, yes, Lucie and co are more beautiful and toned than the rest of us, but, as a result, they’re also duller and dumber, to the point they can’t even be trusted to make a cup of tea unsupervised.
We’re laughing at them, not with them and if you take away that fun, you’ll ruin the ratings, kill the show and get the same resigned reaction from everyone.
It is what it is.
Joe Garratt spices things up with Lucie Donlan with sexy sandwich talk on Love Island

A truly ‘Nobyl creation
THERE was a sting in the tail at the end of last week’s breathtaking Chernobyl finale, when it was revealed Emily Watson’s character, the scientific conscience of this Sky Atlantic drama, didn’t exist.
There was no Ulana Khomyuk.
9 Chernobyl’s finale revealed Emily Watson’s character, the scientific conscience of this Sky Atlantic drama, didn’t existCredit: HBO
She was a box-ticking amalgamation of all the scientists who cam- paigned for the truth to come out about the disaster.
Some may object, but I thought Chernobyl more than earned the right-on indulgence.
It was also preferable to the sort of carnage the BBC’s drama department and its precious diversity quotas would’ve brought to the period and production.
That’s if, of course, the Beeb ever had the balls to tackle a subject that doesn’t fit into its narrow, Student Union view of the world.
Three men were eventually put on show trial for causing the disaster, you see.
Chernobyl left you in no doubt, however, the real criminal was the Soviet Union, whose toxic socialism – supported by most of the current leading figures in the Labour Party – starved, murdered and poisoned its citizens and lied to them with almost every word.
It even continued lying to them long after the disaster, and Valery Legasov’s heroic speech to the criminal trial, which was so brilliantly recreated here by actor Jared Harris.
“Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later that debt is paid.”
It’s open to debate whether the disaster, as Mikhail Gorbachev’s 2006 quote in the credits suggested, led to the collapse of the Soviet Union.
What’s undeniable is that Chernobyl is one of the greatest TV dramas of the century.
TV GOLDEvery precious word uttered by the D-Day veterans. Sky Atlantic’s Chernobyl. Killer Ratings, on Netflix.
The beautiful and touching tribute 63 Up paid to Lynn Johnson. Over-caffeinated tubbalump Piers Morgan once again turning Good Morning  Britain’s week into a captivating and unmissable mix of news, sport, presidential interviews, free- wheeling abuse and fantastically rude suggestions about Susanna Reid’s love life.
And Harry Hill breaking off an insanely funny episode of Alien Fun Capsule, co-written by TalkSport genius Paul Hawksbee, to wonder: “Could I just live off the money from You’ve Been Framed?”
Yes, but please don’t.
RANDOM TV irritations: Killing Eve II posting a good mid-term shout for the most over-rated and unpleasant show of 2019.
The Sky Atlantic continuity pox who talked all over the closing credits of Chernobyl.
ITV’s Clive Tyldesley sounding more like a fan than a commentator at the Euro Nations.
And Love Island’s Iain Stirling “sending solidarity to the Donald Trump blimp protesters”, at the end of Good Morning Britain, like he was Lech Walesa addressing Gdansk shipyard workers, rather than the ITV2 dating show bloke doing the warm-up slot for Lorraine Kelly.

Animal docu is smutt
THE week’s most eye-catching documentary began with a production assistant vox-popping some chimpanzee sex videos and a startled shopper exclaiming:  “Oh wow.
“You’re really showing this on Channel 4?”
9 My Gay Dog And Other Animals, a right-on farce
What? You thought better of the network behind Naked  Attraction?
Of course they’re showing My Gay Dog  And Other Animals, a right-on farce which attempted to prove the impossible via a mutt called Norman, whose rear end received not a moment’s peace from a humping little nuisance called Franco, an Italian Greyhound, who really should’ve been called Bruno or Tonioli.
There were also “gay” lions and sheep, “bisexual” binobos and some field study input from Professor Paul Vasey, who’s been observing “lesbian” macaques for 15 years but, like all academics, still has more questions than answers: “Are they doing this to commun- icate about dominance?
“Are they doing this to form alliances?
“Are they doing this to reconcile conflict?”
Or are they just doing this ’cos they  can’t get Wentworth on Netflix?
You tell me, weirdo.
After a solid hour of virtue-signalling and speculation, though,  it was left to the narrator to tell us what any  three-year-old could’ve explained 60 minutes ago.
“We can’t confirm Franco’s sexuality  100 per cent, however . . .”
BZZZZZ. Thanks for playing.

QUIZ show doughballs of the week.
The Chase, Bradley Walsh: “England lost ­possession of which French port in 1558?”
Danny: “Canterbury.”
Tipping Point, Ben Shephard: “In the Bible, what amphibians were the second of the ten plagues?”
Tina: “Cockroaches.”
And Bradley Walsh: “The man credited with inventing the foodstuff Golden Syrup is Abram who?”
Sarah: “Lincoln.”

SPRINGWATCH or Love Island? (Answers below).
A) “Look very closely. They’re doing a bit of anal rubbing, which is their way of saying, ‘Hello’.”
B) “My favourite sexual position is the eagle.”
C) “With those great tits the chicks are offering themselves and really maximising their chances.”
LOVE Island, Iain Stirling: “I’m on tour soon, but I need a title for the show. The next words I hear are going on the poster.”
Answers: A) Springwatch. B) Love Island. C) Springwatch.

TV LOOKALIKESTHIS week’s winner is GMB’s Richard Arnold, who’ll be toying with Piers from 6am today, and Fix-it Felix, from Wreck-it Ralph.Sent in by Kags M, via email. ­Picture research: Amy Reading.

CommentLeo McKinstry Tory hopefuls dish out big ideas – but they’re just a distraction from Brexit CommentTHE SUN SAYS Elites normalise cocaine and the victims are poor kids trafficked into crime CommentTREVOR KAVANAGH High ambitions of politicians who used cocaine like Gove must come to snort CommentTHE SUN ON SUNDAY SAYS Michael Gove’s coke confession will hurt PM hopes and shake shires CommentSAJID JAVID As PM I’ll make our schools the envy of the world – no ifs, no buts, no excuses CommentPRITI PATEL I’ll back Boris Johnson to be PM and make Britain greater by delivering Brexit
GREAT TV lies and delusions of the week.
Lorraine: “Comedian Russell Howard – he’s been making us laugh for over a decade.”
Love Island, Tyson Fury’s little brother: “I don’t want to be labelled the little brother. I’m my own man.”
And Shopping With Keith Lemon, Jimmy Carr: “I look like Roger Federer after a terrible car crash.”
Or in this instance, Roger Federer in a terrible car crash.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here